❝ From all the truth that I said, I am going to give all my SECRETS away... ❞
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Randome [3]
Posted Tuesday, November 2, 2010 // 2:46 PM
 Ugh, Im such a LOSER, FAILURE worse DUMB!!!. why? cauze I just feel that way, today I was eating lunch and saw many people in the streets walking around freely where I wonder, hm..when can I be like them ?..when can I officially be like them?. instead of being stuck here in a crappy small shop waiting and seeing as time goes by...like I am totally wasting my time..>< booo. sighs. I just feel so ashamed. Yest I got a news that my sister got a job at the TD bank as a Teller. there it shows she more better and way smarter then I am..I mean Im the eldest and I should be the role model...yet I feel like a failure cauze everyone seems to be more better at things then I am.. Why do I feel like such a failure to my family and friends?..I feel like what ever I am doing now is actually no big deal no point and worse no good outcome to them...all I do is just easy stuff and waiting as time passes me by I mean it my life, I should be doing something more meaningful and useful yet right now I just sitting here doing nothing and blogging...seriously, this job is so dumb...I am like very tired and really want to do something I really want..instead of working here and doing nothing...I find this job isnt going to get me anywhere and I just want to leave. get away from the US and live my life freely...I want to go around the world and explore and enjoy life of the way I want it to be. Sighs all my life I feel like a puppet, being stringed back and forth and arranged to be there and that and letting others take over my life..ugh I dont know what to do or what to say even stand up for myself...which is shameful fact that it been like 20+ years already....I do admit, I feel jealous of my sister(younger) one becauze she gets all the attention and is more independent. I just want to jump into river and drown myself down. becauze already, I have no clue where my life is being or headed as of right now...too much...yet Im the one being bait here. wtf?... I need my old life back! I want to move back to NYC where I am more free and yet more happier, ever since I moved to maine to help my mom work, I been feeling so down and so depressed becauze I feel like I am in jail rather working...ugh I hate working for family business and especially for jobs that dont get me anywhere or has any benefits. I can tell my mom hired and allowed me to work here is becauze of my lack of disability to go out there and be on my own..but I just feel like a big burden to them, everyday working and seeing her everyday makes me even more sadder. I just want them to be more happy and free. Worse right now as my mom and I are working, feels like we are working for her bf side of the family more and being treated as outsiders...well in the grandfather eyes sorta. everyone else is okay but I just dont like the fact that, it seems w/e work we do around it doesn't seem to get appreciated or thanked for . I mean com'mon people, it our life already..let us go!. but yeah. sighs. anyways nothing much happening so I guess Ill stop blogging for now. till next time. Labels: none. |
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Given name Jessie :) age : 22. Aries. Taken (maybe). Loves listening to music (depends on what gets her in the mood) Chatting and trying to be a realistic person :) MusicBoxx
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